January Screenings: Top 10/Bottom 5
Total Films Screened in January: 132
2023 Total: 132
Current All-Time Total: 8,116
Race to #10,000: 1,884 to go!
New icons for 2023:
✉️ = Academy Award Nominee
🏆= Academy Award Winner
👁️= Included in "Must See Movies" Book
🛐= Included in "Cult Movies" Books
January was a very busy month here at Cinema Wellman as we screened, admittedly, an awful lot of movies. One reason for this is that the Academy Awards nominations were announced and that means we're currently on our annual treasure hunt. The other reason being some serious insomnia. In any event, it gave us an awful lot to choose from when compiling the monthly list.
You may notice that there are a lot of 2023 Oscar Nominees on the above list. Those movies were NOT eligible for this T10/B5 list because I'll be dealing with them in a later post.
We will start where we always do...at the bottom! It gets better after the loathsome five. I promise.
#5) Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)
The warning on the poster sums it up rather nicely: "Some members of the public may find certain scenes in this film offensive and shocking."
SOME members of the public?! CERTAIN scenes?! This was disgusting from the start. I actually thought I was in for a campy sexploitation/Nazisploitation movie, but what I got was far worse than any movies I've ever seen from either of those genres.
Distasteful, gross, horrible, and yes...offensive and shocking. I should have listened to the poster.
This trash only took nine days to film. It looks like it took two. I tried to look past the gratuitous nudity and bloody torture scenes to concentrate on the fact that it was filmed on the set of the 60's concentration camp "comedy" Hogan's Heroes.
I was wishing I was like Schultz and saw "NOTHING!"
You may wonder how anything could possibly be worse. How is this only the 5th worst film screened this past month? I'll do my best to explain that as we continue to sift through January's fetid dumpster.
#4) Turkish Delight (1973)
Director Paul Verhoeven is the person we can thank/blame for such cinematic horseshit as Starship Troopers and Showgirls. He's also responsible for some decent trash like RoboCop, the original Total Recall, and Basic Instinct. Turkish Delight was worse than anything he's ever created, and that's saying a lot.
Rutger Hauer is Eric, a protagonist that you despise for the entire film. I've written about how annoying that is on more than a few occasions. Eric has zero redeeming qualities and is a despicable creep from the very start. I hated the protagonist, so I hated the film. That usually happens. Actually, it happens two more times ON THIS LIST!
The only reason this was screened was because it was nominated for a Foreign Language Film Oscar. It came from the Netherlands, and I have a feeling this may sink them early during the next Cinema Wellman World Cup.
#3) The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988)
I usually enjoy movies featuring Daniel Day-Lewis. I think he's a tremendously talented actor who can create mesmerizing, unforgettable characters. He is a three-time Oscar winner and I'm a big fan of several of his movies. The Last of the Mohicans, Gangs of New York, There Will Be Blood, and Lincoln were all excellent films featuring great performances by Day-Lewis.
This film, well...they got the "unbearable" part right. It's almost three hours of his character Tomas instructing various women to, "Take off your clothes." And they ALL DO IT! I guess that happens when you're Daniel Day-Lewis, but it doesn't mean it should be the basis of a movie. So boring. So pretentiously boring.
#2) The Idiots (1998)
This offensive garbage comes to us from director Lars von Trier. It's part of the "dogme 95" style of filmmaking that is technically interesting, but results in some extremely odd movies.
This Danish film centers on a group of people who find it funny to go out in public and act like they are intellectually disabled to see how others react.
The only reason I watched this is because it was one of the few remaining films left on my cult movies list. The people who enjoyed this trash are in a cult I want no part of. So offensive and insensitive.
I stand with English film critic Mark Kermode who was tossed out of a screening of this at the Cannes film festival for standing up and shouting, "il est merde!" Il est merde indeed!
Total merde!
#1) In the Company of Men (1997)
So what could possibly be worse than some of the things I just described? Here's your answer. Another film from the cult movie list that made me sick to watch at points.
I'm going to let IMDb explain it: "Two business executives - one an avowed misogynist, the other emotionally wounded by his love interest - set out to exact revenge on the female gender by seeking out the most innocent, uncorrupted girl they can find and ruining her life." Yep.
I wanted everyone associated with this shit to spontaneously combust. Oh, and the uncorrupted girl is deaf, and they make fun of that as well. And they use the "R" word. This is an appalling, unwatchable piece of garbage.
Time for a quick shower to wash off that slime before we talk about the good stuff.
#10) Light Sleeper (1992)
Director Paul Schrader has a history of making interesting character driven films. Blue Collar, Hardcore, Patty Hearst, Affliction, and Auto Focus are prime examples of his quality work.
Willem Dafoe is not just another pretty face. I think he's an excellent actor who's actually underrated, if that's possible for someone who has been nominated for four Oscars. Skip that Green Goblin nonsense, and check out To Live and Die in L.A., Platoon, Shadow of the Vampire, The Florida Project, and The Lighthouse. He also made Auto Focus with Schrader.
Put these two together and you have something worth watching. Light Sleeper is a slow burn atmospheric crime drama in which drug dealer Dafoe reconsiders his whole line of work, and his life in general.
It was watched because it was on the Cult Movies list. They finally got one right! Those are so hit or miss, which, I guess, fits the category.
#9) Molly's Pilgrim (1976)
My contempt for "The Academy" was documented in a recent post, and they continue to annoy me on a regular basis. That being said, this short film makes me happy that I set a goal to see everything that was ever nominated in any category. If I didn't set that goal and make that list, I would never have seen Molly's Pilgrim.
This Oscar winning short film is about a young Russian Jewish girl who emigrates to America with her family to escape religious persecution.
Most of the film takes place at Molly's school before Thanksgiving. Her school is going through the usual Thanksgiving bullshit myth as all schools do. That and the Columbus nonsense is infuriating! My students knew exactly where I stood with that Eurotrash.
In any event, Molly's "Pilgrim" doll does not look like the others. For a very good reason. She ends up schooling her classmates and teacher with a lesson that will bring tears to your eyes. You go, Molly!!!
#8) The Experiment (2001)
The cult movie books come through again with this disturbing German film (is there any other kind?). The experiment is set to take place over two weeks and features 20 men who are hired to play prisoners and guards in a prison.
It goes about as well as you'd expect it to. Let's just say it doesn't take long for things to deteriorate.
An interesting and disturbing look at human nature and what a little power can do.
#7) Drunken Dragon (1985)
Several years ago, I decided that my milestone movies (#5,000, #6,000, etc.) were all going to be Kung Fu/Wuxia films. I decided to do this to honor a college roommate of mine who had passed away. He and I spent countless hours in altered states watching these cinematic treats.
I enlisted the help of another college friend who was right there in that little roach palace on Aberdeen St. in Boston for choosing those milestone films. He helped me choose #5,000 (Mad Monkey Kung Fu) and has been on board ever since.
I mention this because Drunken Dragon was all-time film #8,000, and it did NOT disappoint!
The story is pretty much the same as many of these films, but the story is not the draw when it comes to Kung Fu/Wuxia. All I know is that there's an awful lot of tension between rival Kung Fu schools/styles!
The draw here is, among other things, a guy fighting two enemies while sitting in a rowboat. Oh, the rowboat is just on the floor. There's no water anywhere nearby. One of the guys he's fighting has a rocket helmet that propels him through the air. I never get tired of this stuff.
Special thanks to the old Channel 56 in Boston for making our Saturday afternoons so memorable.
#6) Gozu (2003)
One of the biggest compliments I can pay a movie, after seeing over 8,000 of them is, "I've never seen that before!" That compliment means that someone out there is doing something unique and original. Doesn't always mean that it's pleasant to watch.
Director Takashi Miike's crime drama/horror hybrid definitely fits into that "I've never seen that before!" category. This is a mind-bending film about a Yakuza enforcer who is ordered to drive his brother to be assassinated. When the target accidently dies enroute, the trouble begins. When the body then mysteriously disappears, the trouble intensifies.
In one of the most bizarre sequences I have ever seen, a petite young woman graphically gives birth to a full-grown adult male. You don't see that every day!
#5) Pathfinder (1987)
This was such an unexpected treat! Nominated for Best Foreign Language Film in 1988, this Norwegian adventure takes place around 1,000 CE (the old AD!) and follows a young Sami man who witnesses a band of vicious raiders murder his family. He flees to a nearby village for help but is not accepted or trusted by these people at first.
Great action sequences highlight this film that also tells the story of "coming of age" in a time when life was brutal and unforgiving.
The bad guys in this, the "tjudes" are really bad dudes. They are not to be trifled with.
#4) Fly Away Home (1996)
I have never tried to hide my emotions while watching movies. I was once caught crying during Ice Age by my daughter who teased me about it. She was nine.
I bring this up because I was very weepy during Fly Away Home. Oscar nominated for Caleb Deschanel's excellent cinematography, it tells the story of a young girl and her dad (mom dies in a car crash, of course...) who attempt to lead a flock of orphaned Canada geese south by air. I know the metaphor is a little heavy handed, but I loved this.
Fourteen-year-old Anna Paquin is wonderful as the young girl determined to save these geese and lead them on their migratory way.
It's a tad on the sappy side, but sometimes sappy hits the spot. This is worth a watch, especially if you're a bird person. I know their poop is nasty and gross and it's everywhere, but the geese are pretty cool. You're definitely rooting for success in this one.
#3) The Pale Blue Eye (2022)
I am a card-carrying Edgar Allan Poe geek. When I was teaching, my gothic horror/Poe unit lasted over a month and was a student favorite. I took great pleasure introducing kids to Poe and watching their reactions as I read some of his more gruesome tales to them. Watching them cringe while reading the "He buried the axe in her brain" line from "The Black Cat" was always one of my highlights of the year.
I also am a big Christian Bale fan (as you will see when #2 on this list is unveiled). Bale is always interesting to watch on screen, and The Pale Blue Eye is no exception.
From IMDb: "A world-weary detective (Bale) is hired to investigate the murder of a West Point cadet. Stymied by the cadets' code of silence, he enlists one of their own to help unravel the case - a young man the world would come to know as Edgar Allan Poe."
Bale in Poe related story that takes place at West Point? I'm in! My dad worked at West Point for over 25 years, and I grew up 12 miles from the campus, so that was an extra attraction for me.
This is a very entertaining mystery thriller that will impress even non-Poe geeks.
#2) Amsterdam (2022)
Bale again, with Margot Robbie and John David Washington in tow as three friends who witness a murder and are then framed for it.
This mystery/comedy takes place in the 1930's and boasts an impressive supporting cast including Anya Taylor-Joy, Chris Rock, Michael Shannon, Mike Myers, Timothy Olyphant, Rami Malek, and Robert De Niro. Even Taylor Swift joins the fun!
Amsterdam was a flop at the box office, and the critics gave it lukewarm reviews, but I rarely pay attention to that nonsense. As I've said many times, this is totally subjective. If you like it, you like it. Doesn't matter if anyone else does. You matter, and that's it.
#1) The Menu (2022)
I don't know where to begin. This horror/thriller also has more than a pinch of comedy. It skewers the rich, it skewers the entitled, it skewers foodies, and it's deliciously nasty.
From IMDb: "A young couple travels to a remote island to eat at an exclusive restaurant where the chef has prepared a lavish menu, with some shocking surprises."
Anya Taylor-Joy is one of the few people to root for among the snobbishly elite dinner guests. Her date is played by Nicholas Hoult. He's a smarmy scumbag, and that's putting it nicely. Ralph Fiennes is the chef, and he is outstanding!
You never quite know exactly what's going on, but you are riveted to the screen as things unfold.
I never want to spoil anything with these types of films, so I'll just tell you one more thing. Other than the ending, which was so tasty, my favorite part was the "bread scene." So funny, and so true when it comes to "fine dining."
I really enjoyed this, and plan on re-watching it soon. Bon appetite!
That's a wrap for January's best and worst. As always, the platforms are below in case you'd like to view for yourself.
I'll be back next week for the first in a series of "City Spotlight" pieces. Our first cinematic stop will be San Francisco! I hope you'll join me for that!
Listen to the Cinema Wellman podcast on Spotify, watch on YouTube, and don't forget to follow us on Twitter and Instagram!
I'll see you in San Francisco next week! Until then, take care.
Platforms
Here are the platforms on which I screened this month's selected 15:
Isla: She Wolf of the SS - Plex
Turkish Delight - Plex
The Unbearable Lightness of Being - Plex
The Idiots - Plex
In the Company of Men - Plex
Light Sleeper - Plex
Molly's Pilgrim - Plex
The Experiment - Plex
Drunken Dragon - YouTube
Gozu - Plex
Pathfinder - Criterion
Fly Away Home - Plex
The Pale Blue Eye - Netflix
Amsterdam - HBO
The Menu - HBO
If you have any questions about any of these films, drop me an email: cinemawellman@gmail.com
Keep up with everything Cinema Wellman!
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