Cinema Wellman: October Screenings
Total Films Screened in October: 88
Current 2022 Total: 746
Current All-Time Total: 7,863
Race to #10,000: 2,137 to go!
List of all 88 films screened in October:
Hello, and welcome back for our monthly breakdown of what was screened here at Cinema Wellman! The good, the bad, and whatever the hell Mondo Cane was.
Let’s begin where we usually do…with the worst of the worst of the month! Some things sorted themselves out as movies which would have appeared here have already been eviscerated in earlier blogs/podcasts. Those films being The Lawnmower Man, The Mangler, (Stephen King at the Movies), Creep Van, and Bus Party to Hell (Which Was Worse? Creep Van vs. Bus Party to Hell). The herd has been thinned, but there are still grazers out there to be picked off!
#5: Six Different Movies Featured on MST3K’s “The Gauntlet”
A six-way tie for fifth place?!? The six films sharing this spot are Mac and Me, Atlantic Rim, Lords of the Deep, The Day Time Ended, Killer Fish, and Ator, The Fighting Eagle. They were part of a recent block of MST3K programming titled “The Gauntlet.” I ran that gauntlet but spread it out over three days.
I realize this may be cheating a bit, but as I’m constantly reminded by my daughter, I’m the one making the rules for whatever this is. I have six films in one slot as an excuse to talk about “Mystery Science Theater 3000.”
If you are not familiar with MST3K, it has been around since 1988 and features an astronaut and his robot buddies who are forced to watch awful movies. We get to watch with them over their shoulders and eavesdrop on their conversations about the film. The concept is actually brilliant.
These movies are so bad that they’d be seemingly impossible to watch without Jonah and his bot friends. The humor is ultra-snarky and, at the same time, uber intelligent. The references they make about what you’re seeing onscreen are sometimes so obscure that you’d swear you’re the only person watching who got it! That’s the magic of MST3K.
This is one of those rare times that I’m recommending something in the Bottom 5. Go to Netflix, find MST3K, pick a movie, and watch them pick it apart.
#4: The Wild, Wild, Planet (1966)
If you were to read to me the six items that the poster features, I’d be losing my mind. Laser-Ray Girls? Yes, please! A Four-Armed Strangler? Yes! Menacing Mutants? Must have! Doll-Men? You know it! Flesh-Fusion Experiments? Why not? An Armada of Spaceships? I love a good spaceship armada!
And yet, this was horrific. Italy has given us some tremendous cinema over the years, but they are not noted for their science fiction. This was awful. I’m glad they didn’t make a sequel. What’s that? They did? What was it called?
#3: The War of the Planets (1966)
Oh, it’s right here?!?! Wow. Franco Nero again! And more cheesy “special” effects. The bad guys are actually green lights? That’s all you’ve got? The budget only allowed for green light antagonists?
There’s a fight scene that was straight out of the old “Batman” TV show. The only thing missing was the title cards with their psychedelic onomatopoeia blasts.
The miniatures looked tiny. They’re not supposed to, you know. There’s also very questionable dubbing going on. I know this may be a difficult process, but if we’re hearing words, at least someone’s lips should be moving.
Where are those Laser-Girls when you need them?!
#2: Blacula (1972)
I have gone on record with my love for the blaxploitation genre even if I’m not happy with the term. But just because you love a genre doesn’t mean you love it unconditionally. To me, this was just a bad vampire movie with bad makeup and bad effects.
How can you have a blaxploitation Dracula movie and rate it PG?! Why even bother? We want the blood!
Not even a performance by The Hues Corporation could help this! Rock the boat…don’t tip the boat over…
#1: Mondo Cane (1962)
My oh my this was an other-worldly piece of crap. This was presented as a “Shockumentary” which was going to show us bizarre rites and rituals from around the world. All being true, nothing staged. To me it was just an excuse to cut together some truly bizarre and grotesque images. I’ll just list them as bullet points here, you’ll get the point, and we’ll move on to the Top 10 for October, sound good?
Here’s what we see:
*a vicious mass-killing of wild pigs
*puppies in cages at a dog restaurant where people are dining on dog right next to the cages
*the beheading of a bull
*a man killed by a bull (he deserved it, in my opinion)
*live snakes being skinned
*a woman breast feeding a baby piglet
*geese being force fed with a funnel
*women in cages being fed tapioca to fatten them up
The most bizarre thing about this mess was that it got an Oscar nomination for Best Original Song!!! I popped in a link there. Listen to that song and think about the imagery that I just described!!!! It was so unsettling!!!
More (Theme From Mondo Cane) - YouTube
Okay, let’s put that behind us and move on to the good stuff from October. And I do NOT mean candy corn! Satan’s Confection.
Speaking of Satan…
#10: Hellarious (2019)
I love it when genres mix, and the result actually works. Hellarious is a comedy-horror movie made up of eight short films. “Horrific,” “Killer Kart,” “Lunch Ladies,” “Death Metal,” “Bitten,” “Til Death,” “Born Again,” and “A Very Important Film.”
Not all of them work, but I didn’t expect them to. All of the segments are worth watching, but the ones that do work are lots of fun. Some of them are nasty gross while being funny which is an odd combo. I’m glad the filmmakers found a way to present these horror shorts together in one place. “Killer Kart” is wonderful as a 10-minute film. I’m so happy it wasn’t made into a feature film. Yes. I’m looking at you Maximum Overdrive!
#9: Power of Grayskull: The Definitive History of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (2017)
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe blasted upon the scene during my junior year in college. My roommate Rob and I watched an awful lot of that cartoon. An unhealthy amount of that cartoon. Rob had a Skeletor mask, I was given an inflatable Battle-Cat. It was such a big deal with us that we actually liked the live-action movie!
Power of Grayskull: The Definitive History of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe is a documentary with a really long title about people like me and Rob. It explores the popularity of all things Eternia.
I’ve actually seen a few of these types of movies, and they’re a lot of fun even if you’re not into the subject matter. It’s interesting to see people get so seriously passionate about something as seemingly insignificant as a cartoon.
Watching this brought back a lot of good memories for me.
#8: Sound and Fury (2000)
This is the second of three documentaries in this month’s Top 10. It seems like I always have a couple of good docs to recommend. It’s an often-maligned genre, but you can’t beat a good true story.
Sound and Fury deals with the controversial topic of the Cochlear implant. The Cochlear implant is a surgically implanted neuroprosthesis that provides a person who has moderate-to-profound hearing loss with sound perception.
As a hearing person I was unsure of why this would be controversial. Something exists that allows deaf people to hear? Why wouldn’t that be a no-brainer for anyone who qualifies?
Well, my thinking as a hearing person and not as a member of the deaf community is part of what this movie is about. The decision to get an implant or not is far from a no-brainer, and after seeing this movie, I’m still not sure where I stand.
It was very enlightening to see both sides make their points in this emotional film. This was very well done and handled with respect to both sides of an issue that has caused a rift in the deaf community.
#7: Hot Mother (2021)
This 14-minute short from New Zealand left me staring at my television for almost that long after its conclusion.
IMDb: “At an idyllic spa retreat a vacationing mother and daughter bicker and avoid connection until an unfortunate accident occurs.”
You know that emoji with really big eyes? That stunned look of amazement, disbelief, and horror all mixed into one? That was my face at the end of this movie.
As always for these Top 10 lists, no spoilers, but…wow. Just wow. And then the credits told me that it was based on a true story!!!! Yikes.
#6: Hit Man (1972)
This gritty blaxploitation film was shot in and around Hollywood and L.A. and it’s pretty volatile. Bernie Casey is the title character and friend of Cinema Wellman “Pamela” Grier is along for the ride until a very bizarre screen exit that you have to see to believe.
You know that any film made in 1972 about L.A.’s underworld and porno scene is going to have a kick-ass soundtrack! This is a peach!
#5: Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold (1975)
“6 ft. 2 in. of dynamite explodes into action.” That six-foot-two-inches belongs to Tamara Dobson and wardrobe isn’t afraid to put that frame on some heels. Tamara is downright Amazonian in this! Wardrobe also dressed her in some serious hats and scarves. I’m sure it was a huge chunk of the budget. Money well spent!
This blaxploitation film was produced by legendary martial arts producer Run Run Shaw and was shot entirely on location in Hong Kong and Macau giving it a “James Bond” feel.
The villain is played by a scenery chewing Stella Stevens and Norman Fell plays Stanley, Cleopatra’s superior. You may recall Norman Fell playing Stanley Roper on Three’s Company, but I digress.
See this if you get a chance. It’s a lot of fun. Do not mess with Cleopatra.
#4: Dogora (1964)
Earlier in this post I mentioned enjoying it when filmmakers mash up genres and concoct something new and exciting. This is exactly what director Ishiro Honda does in Dogora which is a sci-fi/horror/crime movie. I think a better term would be a kaiju/heist movie.
IMDb: “An amorphous cellular life-form descends from the atmosphere to consume carbon in the form of diamonds.” Wait! So Space Monster Dogora is here for the diamonds?!?
Whenever kaiju are involved OR heists are involved, I am IN! Put them together in the same movie? Consider my mind blown.
#3: The Barkley Marathons: The Race That Eats Its Young (2014)
Once again, synopsis courtesy of IMDb: “A famous prison escape sparks the idea for a cult-like race that has seen only 10 finishers in its first 25 years. This award-winning, oddly inspiring, and wildly funny documentary reveals the sports world’s most guarded secret.” Perfect IMDb. No notes.
First run in 1986, the marathon consists of five laps of a 20-mile course for a total of 100 miles. The course varies from year to year as does the entrance fee. One year it was a license plate, one year it was a new shirt because founder/host Gary “Lazarus Lake” Cantrell needed some shirts. Only 40 people are chosen each year to compete. They are sent a condolence letter if they are selected to compete. The course is patterned after the prison escape route of convicted killer James Earl Ray.
I am not making any of that up! That’s how crazy this event/documentary is. I knew I could never even entertain the thought of this in a million years so I started to think of people I know who could give it a good shot. I came up with two. My friend Robin who can run for days and, in my mind, can do anything is one. The other is my friend Steven, a former student of mine who would figure out something that no other runner had come up with previously and use it to his advantage.
I would gladly accompany them and serve them soup and provide them with dry socks from the comfort of my heated RV. I’d be that friend. For the rest of it, they’d be on their own.
#2: Transamerica (2005)
Felicity Huffman gives an amazing performance as a transgender woman who finds out she mothered a son who is now hustling on the streets of New York. It may be one of the most heartfelt performances I have ever seen.
This is a story about what it feels like to not be accepted. What it feels like to never have a place where you are comfortable being yourself. It asks more questions than it answers because there are no easy answers to the questions. It certainly has the viewer rooting for Bree because she is such a brave, courageous person.
This was a very moving film that stirred my emotions. It’s a reminder of what film can accomplish. It’s not always easy to watch, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be watched. Not all films are meant to be escapism.
#1: North Country (2005)
Two of the best actresses working today headline this true story about sexual harassment in the workplace. Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand were both nominated for Oscars for this fictionalized account of the first major successful sexual harassment case in the United States.
This is another film that was difficult to watch at times since it deals with women being harassed and mistreated. The workplace in question is the male dominated world of iron mining in Minnesota.
What these women were subjected to was so disgusting and reprehensible. While watching, I was ashamed to be a man. Absolutely disgraceful, disgusting behavior. And none of the harassment or brutality was fabricated for the movie. If it’s in the movie, it happened to one of the female miners. Just terrible.
I really didn’t want to watch this because of the subject matter, but I’m glad it was “on a list” and I did watch it. Like I said, not every film should be easy to watch.
Well, that’s that for our monthly recap of what got screened at Cinema Wellman! Hopefully you found something of interest, or I steered you away from something and added two hours to your life.
Stay tuned for our monthly Top 10/Bottom 5 for the best and worst films screened at Cinema Wellman!
Platforms
Here are the platforms on which I screened this months selected 15:
Mystery Science Theater 3,000 (assorted films) - Netflix
The Wild, Wild, Planet - TCM
The War of the Planets - TCM
Blacula - TCM
Mondo Cane - TCM
Hellarious - Amazon Prime
Power of Grayskull - hoopla
Sound and Fury - Netflix (DVD)
Hot Mother - Criterion
Hit Man - TCM
Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold - TCM
Dogora- Criterion
The Barkley Marathons - hoopla
Transamerica - Tubi
North Country - kanopy
If you have any questions about any of these films, drop me an email: cinemawellman@gmail.com
Keep up with everything Cinema Wellman!
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Available on Wednesday, November 23rd:
♻️Remakes & Reboots♻️
Until next time…take care!
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