Cinema Wellman Goes to the Dogs

 Cinema Wellman Goes to the Dogs

Hello and welcome to Cinema Wellman. I am your host David, and we have another guest this week as we are joined by Nora. "Obviously, the best way to enjoy this episode and get the full "Nora Effect" is to watch on YouTube!)

Nora’s family went on a trip to the UK, and she’s been hanging out here at Wellman for a week and we’ve been watching dog movies!

I haven’t taken care of a dog since I was 14 years old (shout out to Coco, who was definitely a “good boy”), so I was a little nervous, but Nora is such an easy dog to take care of. I honestly had nothing to be nervous about.

Since this was going to be a new(ish) experience for me, I figured Nora and I would watch only dog movies during her stay, and I found 9 dog movies that were new to me. 

Not sure if Nora had seen any of them since she didn’t mention it. 

The 10th slot in today’s episode will be a quick salute to some of our all-time favorite dog movies here at Cinema Wellman.

But first, the “new" dog movies we screened together!

I thought I was a tough critic, but I had never watched nine movies with Nora. 

She’s very sweet, but she’s a harsh critic of Canine Cinema.

Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey (1993)

G/84 min/IMDb: 6.9/directed by Duwayne Dunham

To begin, this movie (and its sequel) feature talking dogs. The dogs don’t talk to humans, but they talk to each other in perfect English. 

And yet, they DON’T understand that same language when it’s spoken to them by humans. 

Nora and I looked at each other and she suggested I get one of those little green bags we take on our walks, because that’s some dog poop right there. 

One of the dogs in the movie says he doesn’t like TV. He says, “It’s not real because you can’t smell it.”

I’m thinking that’s one of the reasons why Nora wasn’t interested in a lot of these movies. 

She’d get excited when I asked her a question about dog behavior, but she didn’t offer much in the way of a response. 

Then in this talking animal movie, they sometimes understand humans. Make up your mind, movie. 

There is a cat with them (voiced by the wonderful Sally Field) named Sassy. 

The animals get put into the pound at one point and when they walk Sassy down the row (think of it like dog prison), what do we hear from the other animals?

Catcalls. 

Some of this was clever, it was just sappy enough to tug at my heartstrings, and the main dogs were voiced by Michael J. Fox and Don Ameche, so I’m glad I watched it. 

Nora gave it two out of four paws. 

Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco (1996)

G/88 min/IMDb: 5.9/directed by David R. Ellis

Yes, it’s THAT David R. Ellis who directed TWO of the Final Destination movies! I love when that happens!

This is a sequel, and it’s one of those sequels that doesn’t bring anything new to the dog dish.

Same cast (other than Don Ameche who left us between productions and was replaced by Ralph Waite), and a bit of the same kind of adventure as the dogs get lost.

Instead of the wilderness, this time it’s San Francisco. 

And one of Nora and my first thoughts was, “There’s no way this many abandoned animals would be able to wander around San Francisco for this amount of time.”

In any event, they do wander around SF, and they meet new “street dogs,” which is kind of fun. 

Michael J. Fox’s “Chance” gets a tad annoying at times since 98% of his lines involve food and food jokes. 

They trot out Al Michaels, Bob Euker, and Tommy Lasorda as dogs calling a softball game which I enjoyed. Nora was like, “Who are they supposed to be?” When I explained, she was like, “I don’t know who those people are.”

There’s an abandoned dog subplot in this one. Someone abandons a puppy in a cardboard box in the rain!

Who does that?!?

I tried to distract Nora from seeing that scene. 

Humans are really meaningless in both of these movies. Poor Kim Griest and Robert Hays. Nobody’s here for you.

San Francisco does look great, as usual, so that was nice. 

The dog catchers were one-dimensional idiots who are also litterbugs and arsonists who keep telling the dogs that they’re all going to the lab, and one of them wants to murder the dogs.

The dexterity of these animals and what they’re able to accomplish without opposable thumbs in these movies is impressive. 

Sassy opens doors to vans! Yes, she’s a cat. 

And they also put that van in reverse, so it drives off a pier. 

Good doggies!

This was a sequel that didn’t need to be made, which I can say about 95% of sequels.

Nora said 1 ½ paws, been there, done that. 

Next, we decided to check out a couple of animated dog movies to see if they’re also able to open doors and such!

Wait, they fly helicopters?!

PAW Patrol: The Movie (2021)

G/86 min/IMDb: 6.1/directed by Cal Bunker

This begins with a truck driver swerving to avoid a turtle in the road jack knifing the double fuel tanker truck on a bridge causing major damage. 

In real life, that turtle would have been so flat. 

So, if we’re to understand this whole PAW Patrol Universe, the animals are law enforcement, fire, and rescue in Adventure City, BUT there are actual humans living there?!?!

Why would you trust animals to do such important jobs when there are humans around who have, you know…. opposable thumbs!!!

Even Nora scoffed at this.

 “I’m not flying a helicopter to save some dumb human who should have known better,” is what I believe she said.

She then gave it a rather pedestrian two paws. 

All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)

G/84 min/IMDb: 6.7/directed by Don Bluth

Burt Reynolds, Dom Deluise, and Loni Anderson? Where are the rest of the cast of Cannonball Run?

Right off the bat Charlie gets hit by a car and killed? Yikes!

Burt Reynolds CANNOT sing! Not sure why they asked him to even try. 

I loved that Charles Nelson Reilly voiced one of the dogs and he was given oversized glasses. 

This is really Point Blank with animated dogs. Charlie is seeking revenge against the mob boss (Carface) who killed him. 

The little girl is able to talk to animals and there’s zero explanation, and the songs are awful.

I know this is a kid’s movie, but why is it set in 1939 New Orleans? Is that something a kid watching in 1989 would understand? 

Or an adult watching in 2024 for that matter. 

When the dogs were barking at one point, Nora looked up and then turned around. 

I totally understand her actions. Nora gave this one paw. 

Why do the dogs throw punches like humans? They don’t walk on their hind legs, so….

There was a sequel that I did NOT put us through. Not sure why it was made.

Eight Below (2006)

PG/120 min/IMDb: 7.3 /directed by Frank Marshall

Ever since I enjoyed teaching “The Call of the Wild” to 8th graders for years, I love a good sled dog story. Noble beasts.

Nora actually sat near the stairs and watched some of this! 

Great dog actors, and I enjoyed a movie where they didn’t talk.

Paul Walker is pretty good, actually. I think he was a talented actor. Too bad he’s forever linked with the Fast and the Furious franchise. He deserved better than that. 

Walker actually did one episode each of “Who’s the Boss?” and “Charles in Charge.” Let’s remember him for that instead. 

Talk about film legacy, this film also features Jason Biggs. If you’ve seen American Pie, you know exactly what he’s famous for. 

The dogs in this film are excellent actors. There’s a scene where one is trying to convince his friend to keep going that is so sweet and tender. 

There’s also a death scene where all the dogs pay their respects to their friend. COME ON!!!

This is a good movie, but no need to be two hours long. Nora gave it three paws. 

Walker lives in a Lethal Weapon trailer near the beach! A dead giveaway for a character in turmoil!

Kudos to these dogs living on their own in Antarctica without humans for 175+ days. Well done!

Next, we have another sled dog movie! 

Togo (2019)

PG/113 min/IMDb: 7.9/directed by Ericson Core

I love Willem Dafoe, and this was a nice (true) story…a “Dogography?” of a heroic dog who helped deliver a serum to sick children in 1929 Alaska, but it was way more effects driven than I imagined it would be. Especially after just watching Eight Below.

That film may have used effects, but they weren’t obvious. Way too much over the top in Togo. 

If you want to create that harrowing atmosphere safely, just make it animated. I’d be fine with that. 

Not that this is a bad movie, but Nora looked away, even when the dogs were barking and causing a ruckus. 

She didn’t like the effects either. Two paws.

Strays (2023)

R/93 min/IMDb: 6.3/directed by Josh Greenbaum

This is the only R rated movie on today’s list and they earned every bit of it.

Strays is very raunchy, and it’s also very funny at times. 

I thought it was really funny when they were talking about settling down to sleep and all they do is wander around in circles before sitting down in the exact spot where they started. 

Nora does the same thing. 

Will Ferrel is good as the clueless dog (Reggie) who thinks his owner is great even though he’s absolutely horrible. 

There’s an odd Dennis Quaid cameo for no apparent reason, and there’s a squirrel three-way which I think I added to our band name list years ago. 

Once again, the dog actors are really talented. It’s amazing how they can be trained and follow commands. 

There’s a scene where the dogs eat mushrooms and think they find a nest of stuffed animals while they’re tripping. 

Turns out they weren’t stuffed animals. Their reactions the next morning were pretty funny. 

Tripping dogs?! You don’t see that in a Disney movie!

There’s a scene I can only describe as a “penis scene,” and Nora turned to me with a “lowest common denominator” look, and I had to agree with her. 

I laughed out loud when one of the dogs said, “Invisible magic fences! I swear to god that’s real!”

There was a poop scene that made me a little nauseous, there was a Hitler joke, “Wrecking Ball” was played during the assault on Reggie’s owner, and there were some extremely graphic threats made against a mailman. 

Jamie Foxx, Isla Fisher, Rob Riggle, and Josh Gad voice some of the dogs, and Sophia Vergara is the voice of Dolores the Couch. 

I am not making that up. 

One of my favorite lines was, “That was more graphic than I expected.”

Yes. Yes, it was.

Nora gave it three paws.

Must Love Dogs (2005)

PG-13/98 min/IMDb: 5.9 /directed by Gary David Goldberg

Okay, so this is a romantic comedy, and we here at Cinema Wellman tend to loathe rom-coms, and this rom-com stars John Cusack. And John Cusack is John Cusack, and if you love OR hate John Cusack, you know what I mean.

But! Must Love Dogs also stars friend of Cinema Wellman Diane Lane, so all bets are off.

Nora and I agreed that the movie is 1 paw at best, but Diane Lane is 4 paws. All four paws. 

The Art of Racing in the Rain (2019)

PG/109 min/IMDb: 7.6/directed by Simon Curtis

Wait! Is the dog dying? That’s what we’re starting with?!?!

Not five minutes in and they have me crying.

Crying until I realize that the narrator dog (Enzo) is voiced by Kevin Costner. Not. A. Fan.

Where’s Sam Elliot when you need him?

This was NOT what I signed up for! 

Spoilers coming in case you haven’t seen. 

They lead with the dog dying, the mom then dies, mom’s parents are shitty to dad and sue for custody of the daughter, there’s an assault charge, oh, and a hallucination involving a stuffed zebra. 

I really got tired of Costner early. Everything about him just grates on me. 

I did like the dog when he wasn’t speaking. 

Enzo is a “Narrator Dog,” and those dogs are made fun of by the dogs in Strays and rightfully so!

More spoilers…

Enzo dies and he’s reincarnated as a little Italian boy who loves racing and thinks his former owner is the best driver ever?!!

STOP IT, MOVIE!! JUST STOP IT!!

Nora wasn’t as affected and gave it two paws. 

Before we go, I just wanted to mention some of Cinema Wellman’s all-time favorite dog movies that we almost screened for this episode before deciding to go all new.

For dog horror, can’t go wrong with Cujo even though the movie changes the entire ending.

The Sandlot may not be a “dog movie” but features a wonderful dog who plays a big part in that heartwarming story.

A young Tom Hanks is the human half of Turner & Hooch as a detective who needs a gigantic, slobbering dog to help him catch a killer. 

We love Wes Anderson here at Cinema Wellman, and Isle of Dogs is an amazing stop-action animation movie about a boy searching for his lost dog. 

You want Dog Sci-Fi? A little post-apocalyptic story involving a dog? Then you need to see A Boy and His Dog starring a young Don Johnson and his telepathic dog, Blood, wandering the wasteland. 

Great ending to that one! Yum!

And finally, for top-notch dog comedy that pokes fun at dog lovers, you need to see Christopher Guest’s Best in Show that (IMDb says:) is a “Behind-the-scenes look into the highly competitive and cut-throat world of dog shows through the eyes of a group of ruthless dog owners.”

Fred Willard, Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara, Jennifer Coolidge, Michael McKean, and Christopher Guest certainly earn top honors in this hysterical film.

It’s well worth a look if you get a chance to see it. 

See it with a friend like I saw all of these films with my friend Nora.

It was so fun having Nora visit for a week of screening dog movies on a TV that wasn’t real to her because she couldn’t smell it. 

That is a wrap from here at Cinema Wellman as we went to the dogs for our visitor.

We hope you’ll be back again next week. No guest, unfortunately, just me, but I hope you’ll join me for one of our “...And Introducing…” episodes!

Next week, we’ll look at Oscar WINNERS who were given the “....And Introducing…” credit. 

Hope to see you next week, and until then, take care.