May Screenings: Best & Worst
Total Films Screened in May: 40
Current 2024 Total: 285
Current All-Time Total: 9,057
Race to 10,000: 943
Hello and welcome to Cinema Wellman. I am your host David, and the merry month of May is almost history, so it’s time to rehash the Best & Worst of this month’s movies.
The numbers for May were down again as we saw pretty much just over one movie a day.
I wish I could say the movie watching is down due to all the time I’ve been spending outside, but that would be a lie.
With fewer total screenings, it makes sense that there’d be fewer movies on our Best & Worst lists, and today’s list (both of them combined) proves that since it contains only four films.
It’s a new record low for Cinema Wellman, but that’s not a problem since I never want to pad any of these lists for the sake of the episode.
There may come a month when I watch 30 movies, and there are no bombs and none I’d recommend. That would be a list of zero movies, which isn’t a list at all.
Not sure what to do if that ever happens, we’ll just cross that bridge when, and if, we get to it.
Just know that we never bump up (or knock down) any movie just so it makes these lists.
There were a couple of dog movies that I enjoyed in May, but I already covered those during the episode I co-hosted with Nora, which also factored into the brevity of this list.
We did find a few that are worthy of recommendation, so nothing to worry about there.
And…in what may be another Cinema Wellman FIRST, there is only ONE movie on this month’s worst list.
There were other “bomb movies” screened in May, but I didn’t think it would be fair for any of them to be placed on a list with such a horribly misguided production.
It was so bad; it deserves the spotlight all to itself.
So, we can all point at it and tell it how bad it is.
I wouldn’t wish this film on my worst enemies which is ironic since I watched it with two of my best friends.
At least they used to be two of my best friends. Our friendship may be dissolved after screening this for them.
Road House (2024)
R/121 min/IMDb: 6.2/directed by Doug Liman
I honestly don’t know where to begin.
This one really stumped me by how bad it was. I was NOT expecting it to be great, or even very good, what I was expecting is an update to a story that didn’t need updating in the first place that might be worth some good lines and action sequences.
What I got was something I had to enlist friends to chime in on just to make sure I didn’t leave anything out.
So, the following analysis is a mélange of the thoughts of four people who sat through this.
Andrew and John, who were with me, and my friend from work Crystal, whose taste in movies syncs up nicely with my own.
All three are trustworthy movie people in my opinion, although Andrew would have an issue with that statement, but…
I asked all three to list their top issues with Road House, and, of course, I had my own.
So, this evisceration is a group effort.
We’re going to Murder on the Orient Express this shit.
I think the best way to do this is with bullets, so here we go.
*There is NO “Road House” in this movie. In the original, the Road House was a “character.” This is an outdoor beach bar with tiki torches and thatched roofs! There’s barely a ROAD!
*The plot for this movie was not evident. At times it seemed like entire scenes were missing that would have helped explain some of this nonsense.
*There is ZERO character development (leads and supporting characters alike!). Why was Jessica Williams in this? Who was the doctor? She’s barely in this long enough to find out her name? Why was Dalton even hired? That’s very clear in the original.
*Jake Gyllenhaal is TERRIBLE in this. He has zero likability, and no personality whatsoever in this. There is zero depth to his character. He cannot pull off being a tough guy. Abs do not make you a tough guy. And were some of those abs CGI?
*Speaking of CGI, why was it needed in this? Can’t you stage a fight scene between an actor and a PROFESSIONAL fighter without using CGI?
*It’s not clear who the bad guy is (no background), but it seems like Dalton disrespects him at the Tiki Hut and the bad guy brings in Daffy Duck Connor McGregor to KILL HIM?!
*And McGregor is a cartoon in this movie and an actual human cartoon. He’s such a real-life asshole he doesn’t even need to act. He’s such an ass in this and be warned that you get to see his ass more than once. Spoiler alert: I’ve seen better.
*What’s with those boat scenes? Why not car chase scenes? Is it because your “Road House” is a beach bar that’s not near a paved road?
*This was once in development with Ronda Rousey as the main character. Maybe she was the daughter of the real Dalton (the Swaaaaaze!!!) and that beautiful doctor from the original. She was going to be a former MMA fighter. That would have been a better story! And since Rousey was an MMA fighter, the backstory of this “new” Dalton would have made sense. In this movie it did not. Did they just keep the MMA part of the story because they were lazy?! I wouldn’t put it past them.
Thank you so much to Crystal, Andrew, and John for chiming in and lending a hand on the shovel.
I don’t know what movies have against Patrick Swayze that they continue to remake/reboot his classic action films.
The new Point Break wasn’t as bad as this Road House, but it was horrendous.
The Swaaayze should be given a little more respect.
It’s why they never made a Road House 2 while Patrick was still with us.
OR DID THEY?!?!
I had no idea it existed, but I found it and, of course, I watched it.
It doesn’t make our Best List for May by any means, but it was certainly a lot better than Tiki House.
And here’s why. Load the bullets!!
*Character Shane Tanner is the son of Dalton. He’s a DEA agent and goes to Louisiana to help his bar-owner uncle who has been beaten up by drug dealers. Those two sentences make more sense than anything in Road House.
*They use the line “I thought you’d be bigger” twice when people meet Shane! An homage since it’s from the original and Patrick Swayze was a tiny man in real life. I love him, but he was not a big dude. He’s listed at 5’ 10”, but so am I.
*The poster features the line "Take it Outside," which is also on the poster for the new reboot! They stole that from a straight to DVD movie poster! Lazy!
*This movie had better fights that didn’t need CGI. Unless you have a person fighting an octopus, why do you need CGI fight scenes?
*I read that Patrick Swayze was originally involved but backed out due to “creative differences,” meaning he must have read the script.
*Wait! Dalton was murdered?!?! Wow, that’s harsh. And he was killed by…Jake Busey. Really?
*There’s a higher up bad guy, but Jake Busey is the bad guy in this, and that’s clear by the way the story is told. And Jake Busey is awful. And you know where this is going…Jake Busey is awful, and yet he’s so more believable than McGregor. Jake Busey is LESS of a cartoon than Connor McGregor.
*Unrelated to the comparison of these films, but the two attractive young women on the poster are in the first 30 seconds of this movie as they’re shown walking into the bar.
*And there’s a really attractive elementary school teacher (not a doctor) in this one, and she teaches kids and kicks major bad guy ass.
I am so happy that I can sit here and honestly say that an ill-advised straight to video sequel to Road House starring nobody you’d know OTHER THAN JAKE BUSEY was infinitely better than a straight to streaming reboot.
I’m a fan of streaming, don’t get me wrong, but the makers of this crap decided to skip the theaters because they were afraid it would be “unfairly” compared to the original.
You don’t want it to be compared to the original?
Don’t call it Road House.
Well, enough of that. Let’s take a look at what we enjoyed during May.
Unfrosted (2024)
PG-13/97 min/IMDb: 5.5/directed by Jerry Seinfeld
Unfrosted comes with a big caveat.
If you don’t like Jerry Seinfeld, just skip this one.
I’m not a huge fan, but I did love his show, which is why I tuned in in the first place.
IMDb: “In 1963 Michigan, business rivals Kellogg’s and Post compete to create a cake that could change breakfast forever.”
Sounds great, but none of this satire is actually true, and Seinfeld stated in an interview that he didn’t even ask Kellogg’s for permission for anything!
I’m not sure how any of that works!
The cast is great and includes Melissa McCarthy, Amy Schumer, Max Greenfield, Hugh Grant, Peter Dinklage, Bill Burr, Jon Hamm, and a bunch of people from SNL.
The best characters may be the two little kids who dumpster dive at Kellogg’s and Post!
Loved them!
Not sure if there’s a lawsuit in the works, but Seinfeld certainly names names as he includes several real food mascots and products (not always portrayed in a positive light.)
Every character is over the top, and pop culture and advertising are targeted front and center in this made-up story of the creation of the Pop Tart (Seinfeld doesn’t even eat them).
Since the story is set in 1963, there are plenty of jokes about things that would “never happen” in the future that obviously did.
Seinfeld’s character makes a joke at how ridiculously overpriced college is.
At $200 a year.
Tony the Tiger even storms Kellogg’s dressed as that QAnon idiot from January 6th.
Complete with the horns.
It’s farce, satire, and it’s written and directed by Jerry Seinfeld.
If you don’t like him, I don’t think you’ll like this movie.
IMDb certainly didn’t seem to like it (5.5), but I enjoyed it for a few laughs and a sleeve of Pop Tarts.
Next is another movie by Emma Seligman starring Rachel starring Rachel Sennott! We love them!
Shiva Baby (2020)
NR/77 min/IMDb: 7.1/directed by Emma Seligman
IMDb: “At a Jewish funeral service with her parents, a college student runs into her sugar daddy and her ex-girlfriend.”
For those of you who may not know, “Shiva” is a Hebrew word meaning “seven,” and it’s a period of seven days’ formal mourning for the dead, beginning immediately after the funeral.
And the film is 77 minutes long. Did you do that on purpose Miss Seligman? I approve.
Rachel Sennott’s Danielle heads into this Shiva not even knowing who died or what her “backstory” is supposed to be when everyone asks what she’s up to.
Even without Danielle running into her sugar daddy and ex-girlfriend, Shiva Baby is a story about family and relationships and how maddening both can be.
I was raised Catholic and had a lot of Jewish friends in high school and college, and from what I can tell, the two faiths are pretty much the same.
Food is a big deal at any “major” celebration, especially if it’s a religious celebration.
Oh, and the guilt.
That’s there as well.
Along with all of the food.
Rachel Sennott is great once again and the Seligman/Sennott team (Bottoms 2023) has once again created a comedy with heart, humor, and realistic characters.
Some of the funniest parts of Shiva Baby are also the cringiest, but, like I said, it’s about family and relationships, so…
There’s only one film remaining on today’s list, and it’s kind of a co-best this month with Shiva Baby.
The Fall Guy (2024)
PG-13/126 min/IMDb: 7.1/directed by David Leitch
I want to assure you that I really enjoyed this movie, but I have a couple of questions to begin with.
Who asked for a film version of a little-known TV show from the early 80s?
Why do they insist on doing these kinds of things and then change pretty much the entire story? On the TV show, Colt is a stuntman who has a side business as a bounty hunter. In this movie, there is no bounty hunter at all. He’s just a stuntman.
Why base it on this forgotten show at all if you’re going to drop half of what it’s about?
Just make him a stuntman.
That being said…I really did enjoy The Fall Guy.
I was never a fan of the show, so that had nothing to do with it.
It stars Emily Blunt and newly minted friend of Cinema Wellman Ryan Gosling who is the only Ryan in my book.
Blunt and Gosling have great chemistry together, and this is a lot of breezy fun.
The overall plot is a bit thin, and my usual complaint, it’s just a tad too long, but I enjoyed myself.
The characters were very likable, even the villain!
Speaking of which, how on earth did makeup make Hannah Waddingham look plain?!?! The woman is a goddess!
More than anything, this is a love letter to the stunt community who has been pulling off the spectacular and dangerous ever since cinema began.
There has been a lot of talk lately about adding an Academy Award for stunt work, but opponents are leery to go forward with this thinking it could lead to more risks being taken for more eye-popping and award-winning stunts.
Or gags, as the stunt folk call them.
In 1982, Richard Rush made a film that did the same thing as The Fall Guy in a more serious and dramatic way. That film starred old friend of Cinema Wellman Peter O’Toole, and was titled The Stunt Man.
It’s tremendous, but I tend to think that of a lot of movies about movies.
We LOVE movies about movies!
Well, that is a wrap from here at Cinema Wellman and our Best & Worst of May.
We hope you’re with us again next week as we have absolutely NO idea what we’ll be doing.
No idea at all. Kind of like the makers of Road House.
No matter what we do next week, until then, take care.
