February Screenings: Top 10/Bottom 5
Total Films Screened in February: 112
2023 Total: 244
Current All-Time Total: 8,228
Race to #10,000: 1,772 to go!
It was another busy month here at Cinema Wellman with over 100 movies screened in February. Eighteen (18) of this month's films were 2023 Oscar nominees and were therefore ineligible for inclusion in February's Featured Fifteen. This year's nominees have been ineligible because next week's episode will be all about the upcoming Oscars! We will be breaking down each category and share who we'd vote for if the Academy was silly enough to give us a vote. We hope you'll join us for that nonetheless!
But before we go there, let's take a look at what stood out this month. As always, we will be starting at the bottom.
#5) Where Love Has Gone (1964)
The Best Original Song nominee once again is to blame as I was forced to sit through this "ripped from the headlines, but we're going to deny any similarities," melodrama.
The cast is pretty solid, and I usually like movies directed by Edward Dmytryk, but this was terrible. It's a thinly veiled "dramatization" of the 1958 incident in which Lana Turner's daughter, Cheryl Crane, stabbed Turner's lover Johnny Stompanato to death. Great real life criminal name, by the way! She was acquitted based on the fact that she was protecting her mother.
I'm sure the headlines were all about that lurid Hollywood tale in 1958, but a movie kind of about it six years later isn't going to rate as current.
A silly over-acted melodrama at best. Soap opera level.
#4) Top Gunner: Danger Zone (2022)
I'm not going to go into detail about Top Gunner: Danger Zone since our last episode was fully dedicated to everything that was wrong with it and #3 on the list Jurassic Domination. You can read it right here at cinemawellman.com in case you missed it!
As always, these episodes are available to watch on @YouTube or listen on @Spotify
#3) Jurassic Domination (2022)
This earned #3 on the Bottom Five list in a head to head battle with Top Gunner: Danger Zone! Earned it!
#2) Song of the South (1946)
I found it hard to believe that this movie was nowhere to be found in the official archives when I assembled my Oscar nominations watchlist. I must have seen bits and pieces, quite possibly the entire thing as a kid, but since it was never added to any ledger, it wasn't official. My rules once again steer me toward something that should be skipped.
I don't need to go into any depth to explain why it's on this list. If you're familiar with the movie, you know why it's here. The fact that the movie is possibly permanently locked in the "Disney Vault" meant that I needed to "find" it elsewhere.
Yikes. It's as bad as I figured it would be. I re-watched the old "Disney Vault" TV Funhouse cartoon from SNL. One of my favorites. I'm all for anything anti-Disney!
#1) Endless Love (1981)
Damn you, Lionel Richie! Damn your Oscar nominated Best Original Song "Endless Love" from the film Endless Love!! Damn you all!!!
This movie was almost impossible to sit through. I don't know where to start since the entire enterprise is ridiculous and offensive.
If you have the stomach for it, go to IMDb and just watch the trailer! I just did it and it reminded me of just about every reason why I hated it so much.
Poor Brooke Shields for starters. I have nothing against her. I never have. Her mother, on the other hand, was a train wreck. And that train didn't care what kind of potentially harmful situations they put their daughter in while making her decisions. The director created Brooke's sexual pleasure by squeezing her toe out of frame. Yuck.
So this junk is chock full of creepy moments, but hands down, the creepiest involves voyeurism. Underage Brooke Shields and her creepy possessive boyfriend are having sex in front of a raging fire. Her mom hears noises...oh did I not mention that her parents and her brother are home?! Everyone is home. Full house. So mom hears noises, gets out of bed, starts down the stairs, sees exactly what's happening and......SITS AND WATCHES THEM!!!! I don't know where to go from there.
The creepy boyfriend wears the exact same powder blue #33 football jersey for a majority of his scenes even though the movie takes place over several years. There is zero explanation about this ridiculous costume choice. Distracting and laughter inducing. Just watch that trailer on IMDb! #33 is all over it!
At the end of this endless movie, we are expected to believe that the creepy, obsessive, deranged former boyfriend (who burns down their house at one point) just happens to run into the dad in New York City! With those millions of people mixing up in that pot of humanity on a daily basis these two just happen to run into one another?!? Nope. Well, he was wearing that football jersey, so...NOPE. No excuses for this trash.
Wow, those were some bad choices! But that's what happens when you have so many lists to get through along with a good measure of morbid curiosity.
Let's get on to the good stuff!
#10) M3gan (2022)
I often times make comments such as, "I was in the perfect mood for this," or, "I watched this at the perfect time." Subjective as movies can be from person to person, they also are internally subjective, if you know what I mean. I can imagine watching M3gan at another time and disliking it. Turns out I was in the mood for some sassy killer robot doll action.
If that's what you want, then M3gan will certainly deliver. It's really just what you think it is! And, in my opinion, the only real twist is that I don't think M3gan is the real villain in this movie! I was actually rooting for her! (And I didn't just add that to curry favor when the impending AI/robot apocalypse begins, I'm being sincere!).
Creepy, especially for those of us who have a "doll problem," and also a lot of fun at times. My favorite sequence involves her chasing Brandon, the bully, in the woods. Good stuff there!
#9) Amazon/Alaska: Spirit of the Wild (1997)
Two movies here tied for spot number nine this month. Both are nature documentaries, but they're about almost opposite geographic locations.
The Amazon region and Alaska feature breathtaking photographic worlds that highlight both flora and fauna. Amazing cinematography brings these harsh environments into your living room with vivid colors.
I was happy to see that both documentaries take time to feature the indigenous people who still live off of the land without outside interference. The people living on the Amazon are hunting birds with curare tipped darts! They also use a variety of plants for medicine/healing purposes, and we at Cinema Wellman heartily endorse organic remedies.
I couldn't choose between these two since both are well worth the watch. I've been to Alaska, and I know this documentary is as close as I'll ever get to the Amazon!
#8) Underworld (1927)
There are a few "old" movies in this month's Top 10 including two from 1927. If you like movies, but don't think you'll like older movies (20s & 30s), give a few a shot. I have a feeling you'll be pleasantly surprised.
From IMDb: "Boisterous gangster kingpin Bull Weed rehabilitates his former lawyer from his alcoholic haze, but complications arise when he falls for Weed's girlfriend." First of all, I love the word kingpin and how can you not love the name "Bull Weed?!"
Underworld was directed by the great Josef von Sternberg, won an Oscar for Best Writing, and is considered the first ever "film-noir" film. That is a favorite genre here at Cinema Wellman, so no surprise that this film ended up in February's Top 10.
#7) The Whisperers (1967)
I had never heard of this film or its star, actress Dame Edith Evans, but Evans was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar, so this was on a list. The list is more often right than wrong, and I'm thankful for that.
Filmed in and around a very bleak looking Manchester, England in 1968, The Whisperers tells the story of an elderly woman who is victimized by criminals.
The bleakness of Mrs. Ross's Manchester extends into her tiny flat that is expertly decorated with declining years and loneliness in mind.
It could have been framed as a thriller, but it's very much more a drama about isolation. Black and white photography makes this even more enjoyable visually.
#6) Dangerous Moves (1984)
When it comes to chess, I know very little. I know the names of the pieces well enough to not call a rook a "castle," I know the directions each piece is allowed to make, and I know that I've never won a game in my life.
The List once again gets me involved in something I otherwise would have no interest in seeing. Dangerous Moves won an Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film in 1984. This Swiss film is about two polar opposite chess rivals and a championship match held during the Cold War.
Can chess be suspenseful? Yes. Chess can be suspenseful!
Oh, and the other thing I know about chess is what Alonzo Harris told me regarding life in Training Day, "This shit's chess, it ain't checkers!"
#5) Gigot (1962)
I have always been a big fan of Jackie Gleason. I always thought he was a brilliant comedian with a great sense of comic timing and wonderful facial expressions.
Most people know Gleason as Ralph Kramden on "The Honeymooners." That show featured a main set so depressing, my sister couldn't watch the show. "This is a comedy?"
Gleason was amazing as "everyman" Kramden's loveable loser. Things never quite worked out for him. Ever. I also think, in all seriousness, that his portrayal of Sherriff Buford T. Justice in the Smokey and the Bandit series is phenomenal. I'm dead serious.
But this film is Gigot, and Gleason lets his face do the talking as he plays a mute janitor who befriends the young daughter of a local prostitute in France.
The usual boisterous and gregarious Gleason as a mute is an amazing transformation to see. His performance was Oscar worthy in my opinion, but this film's only nomination was for music. The multitalented "Great One" also wrote the original story and music for the film.
#4) The Hurricane (1937)
Another one from the way back machine is 1937's The Hurricane. This movie won an Oscar for Best Sound and was also nominated for Best Actor (Thomas Mitchell) and Best Music. The only reason it wasn't nominated for Best Effects/Best Special Effects/Best Visual Effects is because there was no such award in 1937 which is a shame. This would have won, hands down. The first year that Oscar was awarded was 1939.
The bad guy, once again is colonialism (this time the French), and a Polynesian sailor is unjustly imprisoned and relentlessly persecuted by the French governor. The second part of that is paraphrased from the IMDb synopsis. The first part is me.
The story is decent, but the real star is the actual hurricane! The effects of the storm are mind boggling. I was utterly gobsmacked by how realistic it was. I read that the set was constructed on a studio back lot over 2 1/2 acres and that the effects coordinator spent $150,000 building the set and $250,000 destroying it.
The hurricane sequence lasts several minutes and it's heart pounding action. I was astonished at what they pulled off without CGI. I'm not necessarily anti-CGI, but I really do appreciate when things were done old school and the thrills were earned, not designed.
#3) Criss Cross (1949)
Another crime-drama or film-noir, and it's one of the favorite genres around here without a doubt! And a noir movie that features a heist?! An armored truck heist?! I am getting in that armored truck!
This armored truck heist has an inside man and a love triangle featuring Yvonne "Lily Munster" De Carlo, Burt Lancaster, and Dan Duryea as "Slim Dundee." Can't get much more noir than Slim Dundee.
#2) Mindhorn (2016)
I have to begin with the IMDb synopsis and just go from there since this is so off the wall. "A has-been actor best known for playing the title character in the 1980s detective series "Mindhorn" must work with police when a serial killer says that he will only speak with Detective Mindhorn, whom he believes to be a real person." Brilliant! As John Oliver would say, "No notes!"
This movie was so much fun on so many levels. Hanging over me like a mini dark cloud throughout my enjoyment was thinking that it's only a matter of time until Hollywood takes this and casts Ryan Reynolds in it and remakes in and ruins it. Hollywood has done that to me many times, sad to say.
Once I shook that off, this was a delightfully funny British comedy thriller. Julian Barratt plays Richard Thorncroft who plays Mindhorn, and Barratt is hysterical in this role that seems to have been written for him.
Mindhorn is definitely worth 89 minutes of your time some lazy afternoon. Trust me.
#1) Napoleon (1927)
Talk about an oldie! This epic historical biopic from director Abel Gance is truly a cinematic masterpiece. Napoleon utilized hand held cameras, featured split screen, tri-screens, was shot in widescreen, employed multiple exposures, and colorized frames to help tell the tale. It was the first film to include a soundtrack. This was made in 1927!!
Gance shot over 290 hours of film, and there are several versions of this film over the years. When it premiered in 1927, you could have seen a 9 hour version. I've read that there's a 7 hour version that may be available in the states at some point this year. Then there's the 5 1/2 hour version, and the short 4 hour version.
I was able to screen the 5 1/2 hour version. The film is silent, but the music is majestic. I watched this at the height of my recent insomnia. It had gotten so bad that I started this at 10:00 one night. Knowing that it wouldn't be over until 3:30 am. That's knowing your insomnia!
In any event, I was so happy to have checked off this box. I have been looking for this film for a very long time. Napoleon was the very LAST film on my cult movie list (made up of the lists of four different cult movie books!). It was also the LAST film that was in both the cult movie books and the "must see" movie book. Inclusion in both was well deserved.
This was a cinematic experience that was worth the wait. The final sequence features a tri color tri screen (the blue, white, and red/bleu, blanc, et rouge of the French flag) that will blow you away. Even after 5 1/2 hours. This was mind blowing.
Well, that is it for the Best and Worst of the month. Hopefully there's something you want to check out for yourself. Or avoid. It's all good.
Join us next week here at Cinema Wellman when we will submit our Oscar ballot. We're going to pretend the Academy is allowing us to vote! We'll go through every category and explain our choices, which is more than the Academy ever does! We hope you'll join us for that!
Until then, take care.
Platforms
Here are the platforms on which I screened this month's selected 15:
Where Love Has Gone - Plex
Top Gunner: Danger Zone - hoopla
Jurassic Domination - hoopla
Song of the South - Plex
Endless Love - The High Seas
M3gan - Peacock
Amazon/Alaska: Spirit of the Wild - Plex
Underworld - tubi
The Whisperers - Amazon Prime
Dangerous Moves - Amazon Prime
Gigot - Plex
The Hurricane - kanopy
Criss Cross - Criterion
Mindhorn - Netflix
Napoleon - Plex
If you have any questions about any of these films, drop me an email: cinemawellman@gmail.com
Keep up with everything Cinema Wellman!
Coming Soon:
Oscar Preview!
Cinema Wellman's Favorites in Every Category!
No Predictions!
Just who we'd vote for if they gave us a vote for some reason!
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