Cinema Wellman: August Screenings
Total Films Screened in August: 74
Current 2022 Total: 586
Current All-Time Total: 7,703
The Bottom 5
#5: The Bling Ring (2013)
Sometimes you go into a movie expecting to love it, but something along the way goes wrong and you end up hating it. I’m sure this has happened to everyone. That was the case with me and The Bling Ring. I love a heist movie, I love director Sofia Coppola, I love Emma Watson…I hated this movie.
There were too many things wrong with this for me to find it entertaining. I realize this is based on actual events. If that’s the case, there were a lot of stupid people involved when these things happened in reality.
The fact that these kids robbed the houses of several celebrities by looking at social media and seeing when they weren’t home is preposterous. So if Paris Hilton is out at a party, there is NOBODY at all at her palatial mansion?!?! And very little security?! And that’s just assumed?!? These kids just seem to walk in house after house of some very famous people.
There is a Peanuts cartoon level of parental interaction. Once again a movie depicts high school age kids running amok and, in this case, breaking laws without mom or dad ever really getting involved until they get caught.
The last straw for me was the fact that there was no one to root for. I hate movies where I have no one to root for. These rich, entitled, white kids rob rich, entitled, white celebrities and then whine when they get caught. Very Aunt Becky!
I was kind of hoping that the final wrap that updates you about where these people are today would have them all still in prison. No such luck.
#4: Once is Not Enough (1975)
If this wasn’t nominated for an Oscar (Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Brenda Vaccaro) there is NO WAY I would ever have gotten involved with this. This is one of those, “It’s on a list,” screenings. That’s what happens when you make lists and stick to them. That’s on me.
This is pure 1975 overblown, melodramatic garbage. A garbage movie made from a garbage novel by a garbage writer. Even the synopsis on IMDb is boring!
Let’s move on to something worse!
#3: One Fine Day (1996)
Another terrible 90s romantic comedy. That list appears to be never ending. This was on a list because it was nominated for an Oscar. The Best Original Song Curse strikes again!
Once again there were unlikeable characters, especially George Clooney’s smarmy single dad, Jack Taylor. The filmmakers attempted to redeem his character along the way, but I wasn’t buying.
Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer play single parents who are strangers that meet when both of their children miss a field trip. Chaos/boredom ensues.
I was a teacher for 33 years and went on countless field trips. You want to know something? We NEVER left for any of them without all the kids! I had One Fine Day ruined by this movie.
#2: Boarding Gate (2007)
Maybe a better title for this would have been “Boring Gate.” This was a convoluted mess of a film that wasn’t quite sure of what it was trying to do. Michael Madsen was, well, Michael Madsen, so there’s that. Asia Argento is decent, but she couldn’t pull this one out of the dumpster.
What was interesting to me was what I came across in my research of this film. There are online reviews that rave about it! All of the elements that I despised were being lauded by many other reviewers. I guess that goes to show what I’ve said all along. I really don’t know anything about film other than what I like. And…”I’m not here to debate you, Jerry!”
#1: The Last Movie (1971)
This was on a list of cult films I “needed” to watch, so I watched it. I have four cult movie books, so I made a list of all of the films described in them and have been making my way through that list for decades. One of the books features 500 movies, so this isn’t something you can accomplish overnight. And, because of the cult status of these films, not all are readily available.
I had read a lot about The Last Movie, so I knew what I was in for. Most reviews mention how incoherent parts of this film are. It really makes little sense at all, and seems to be two or even three different movies happening at the same time. For everyone that thinks that drugs on set would be a good idea…they are not.
A documentary was made about the production of this movie. That’s ALWAYS a red flag! They don’t make documentaries about a film shoot unless it was an absolute mess. This movie is well deserving of that documentary treatment.
Enough of the stinkers, let’s see what was good in August!
The Top 10
#10: Black Crab (2022)
The IMDb synopsis begins with, “In a post-apocalyptic world…” So I was in from the start!
This is a Swedish action/adventure film (so you’ll have to read) starring friend of Wellman Noomi Rapace. She is one of a small group of soldiers on a secret mission to deliver a secret package across a frozen archipelago. Swedish Soldiers on Skates!
This was harrowing at times with exciting action pieces. There’s also a nice twist when you discover what’s in that package. Well done!
#9: Rise of a Bluesman: Stevie Ray Vaughan 1954-1983 (2014)
This was a sucker bet to wind up on the Top 10 this month since Stevie Ray Vaughan is one of my all-time favorite musicians. It did not disappoint.
This documentary looks at the life of Stevie, his rise to prominence, and his legacy after his untimely death. Featuring performance footage and interviews with both Stevie and his contemporaries, it does a phenomenal job telling the story of one of music’s greatest guitarists.
SRV left us in 1983, and I still miss him and those sounds he somehow made come out of that guitar.
#8: Secret Headquarters (2022)
This was an unexpected delight! I have slowly become an Owen Wilson fan over the years. I think it’s something about the relaxed delivery of his lines and his soothing voice. In this film he plays an “ordinary” dad who just happens to be a superhero.
I thought this was kind of like Spy Kids meets Sky High in a way. The kids may be a tad stereotypical, but they’re still enjoyable. The gadgets the kids use are also fun, and Michael Pena is excellent as Argon. Michael Pena is excellent in everything, actually.
Secret Headquarters is an all around good time that happens to be kid-friendly without being condescending. Good escapist fare!
#7: Day Shift (2022)
I happened to watch Day Shift and Secret Headquarters back to back. Even though the genres differ, I thought it made for a great double feature.
Day Shift also tells the story of a normal everyday dad who has a secret life. In Secret Headquarters, Owen Wilson is an IT guy who happens to be a superhero, in Day Shift Jamie Foxx is a pool cleaner who happens to be a vampire killer.
From the good people at 87Eleven Productions that gave us all that John Wick stuff. This production company is up and coming and produces some of the best choreographed action and stylized violence in film history. Already looking forward to the next John Wick and/or anything else from 87Eleven.
I love that Cirque du Soleil performers were used to portray the contortionist vampires! An amazing addition that added a non CGI “realism” to a totally unreal situation.
A friend of mine saw this and texted me saying, “Watched Day Shift on Netflix. Probably not worthy of one of your bombs, but close.” And it turns up in my Top 10 of the month! That continues to be one of my favorite things about movies. They are so subjective! Remember that I hated Forrest Gump and Titanic and Top Gun and…
#6: Count Me In (2021)
Another music documentary this month! We do love our documentaries here at Cinema Wellman!
As the poster tells us, “You can have rhythm without music. You can’t have music without rhythm.” So true.
My daughter, Dakota, took drum lessons when she was young. We had a full drum kit in our living room. The amazing thing about the drums is that EVERYONE thinks they can play them, and 99.9% of those people CANNOT.
I saw so many people pick up those drumsticks and sit down and wail away. They all got up pretty quickly mentioning that it was way harder than they thought it was going to be.
Yes. I was one of those people. On more than one occasion.
Many of the greatest drummers of all-time were interviewed for this film, and it was wonderful to hear them talk about their passion. One of my favorite drummers in the film was Iron Maiden’s Nicko McBrain. Hearing him explain drumming patterns was fascinating.
Ringo Starr, Charlie Watts, Ginger Baker, Stewart Copeland, Taylor Hawkins, John Bonham, Keith Moon and many more provide the rhythm section for this powerful documentary.
#5: Loving Adults (2022)
This Danish film (more reading for you!) was a rollercoaster thriller that had me thinking about it for days after viewing. That has always been the sign of a good film to me. I forget some films as soon as the credits are finished. It’s much more fun when you watch something and it sticks with you.
The twists and turns in this are pretty wild. We have secrets a plenty between a married couple played by Sonja Richter and Dar Salim (also in Black Crab). There’s some infidelity, there are some potentially criminal financial indiscretions, and there’s some trouble ahead for everyone involved.
A couple of jaw-dropping twists highlight this slow-burning suspenseful thriller.
#4: Dear Mr. Watterson (2013)
“It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy…Let’s go exploring!”
If you recognize that line, do I have a movie for you! That is the last line of the final “Calvin and Hobbes” strip drawn by the great Bill Watterson. That last strip may have run on December 31, 1995, but Calvin and Hobbes has stood the test of time and will be with us forever.
This documentary explores “Calvin and Hobbes” and its impact on pop culture and society. If you were ever a fan of this strip, you need to watch this and be reminded of why you loved it in the first place.
I was hoping for an explanation of Calvinball, but some things are better left unexplained.
#3: The Similars (2015)
This is a perfect example of why I am willing to watch ANYTHING. I had never heard of this film until I ran across its poster while looking for films to watch on hoopla. I read the reviews on the poster, looked it up on IMDb and IMMEDIATELY put it in my movie queue.
The adjectives found on the poster are perfect descriptors of this film, “simply amazing,” “riveting,” “unique,” “entertaining,” “visceral,” “strange!” They all fit, as does the Twilight Zone mention.
From IMDb: “On the rainy night of October 2, 1968, eight characters waiting in a remote bus station for a bus heading to Mexico City start experiencing a strange phenomenon.”
“7,000 million people in the world…or only one?”
This features some wild special effects and needs to be seen to be believed. I will watch this again.
#2: Infinitum: Subject Unknown (2021)
This is an experimental film, and we’re all for that here at Cinema Wellman! What makes this experimental is that it was made with only one crew member and shot entirely on an iPhone. And they got Ian McKellen!!!
Tori Butler-Hart plays Jane. Jane is trapped in a parallel universe and is forced to find a way out of her predicament before it’s too late. It’s like a real life escape room for Jane, but there may be no escaping her room.
This was amazing to watch knowing how it was made. And Jane is certainly worth rooting for. Well worth a look if you enjoy mysteries and/or science fiction. Or escape rooms!
#1: Enemy (2013)
The best movie I screened in August stars Jake Gyllenhaal, which is a step up for him since he was in the worst movie I screened in July (Ambulance). I’m sure my opinion of his films keeps him up at night…
Enemy has a pretty simple synopsis on IMDb “A man seeks out his exact look-alike after spotting him in a movie,” but this film by the great director Denis Villeneuve is anything but simple.
Whenever stories involve doppelgangers, things tend to get messy. Enemy is no exception. This is a surrealistic, mind-bending, and atmospheric film that features exceptional music and a very strong performance(s) by Jake. You’re never quite sure what Gyllenhaal’s character(s) are going to do next, so you’re on the edge of your seat throughout.
It definitely makes you think of what you’d do if you were in this exact situation. The answer to that question is, “Well…not this!”
“Chaos is order yet undeciphered.”
One more thing to add that may be important…this movie is NOT for arachnophobes! You’ve been warned.
Well, that’s the breakdown for August. Delivered to you as always, without spoilers. If you want any of these spoiled, I’d be more than happy to oblige. Just drop me an email at cinemawellman@gmail.com
Interested in watching any of these films? Here’s where I found them:
Platforms
Here are the platforms on which I screened this months selected 15
The Bling Ring - hoopla
Once is Not Enough - Criterion
One Fine Day - Netflix
Boarding Gate - hoopla
The Last Movie - kanopy
Black Crab - N
Rise of a Bluesman: Stevie Ray Vaughan - hoopla
Secret Headquarters - Paramount Plus
Day Shift - Netflix
Count Me In - Netflix
Loving Adults - Netflix
Dear Mr. Watterson - hoopla
The Similars - hoopla
Infinitum: Subject Unknown - kanopy
Enemy - HBO
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Coming Next Week:
Cinema Wellman’s favorite Sports Movies!
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