Cinema Wellman: March Screenings
Total Films Screened in March: 82
2022 Total: 197
#5: The Ruling Class (1972)
Since this is a British film, I'll say that this movie is rubbish that belongs in the dustbin. The movie poster gives you every reason to stay away from this mess. Peter O'Toole is always enjoyable, except for here. He plays a member of the House of Lords who thinks he's Jesus Christ. That's what I said for two hours and thirty four minutes...Jesus Christ.
#4: Benji (1974)
I am once again hoisted by my own "Original Song" petard! If you're wondering how I could hate a dog movie, try watching this for a minute. Leave saving kidnapped children to Lassie and the Paw Patrol dogs, Benji. You're out of your element. And unconvincing playing a dog.
#3: The Competition (1980)
I really do despise a romantic comedy. I once thought of adding that as a category for my movie database (IMDavidb) but wasn't up for trying to figure out what actually qualifies. I haven't liked Dreyfuss in anything since 1975, and I've never liked Amy Irving. So to see them paired up as musicians in love who are also competing for this coveted musical prize is nauseating. Read that poster! Such 80s drivel! And once again, DAMN YOU ORIGINAL SONG!!!!
#2: Breaking the Waves (1996)
This was so distressing and disturbing on so many levels. IMDb describes it this way, "Oilman Jan is paralyzed in an accident. His wife, who prayed for his return, feels guilty; even more, when Jan urges her to have sex with another." Yes. You read that correctly. Huge SPOILER ALERT coming! I'm going to tell you what happens. Scroll on if you ever want to see this for any reason.
Okay. So she very reluctantly agrees to have sex with other men and describe it to her paralyzed husband. She's ostracized by the community and ends up going out to a ship where she is gang raped and beaten to death.
Oh...and the husband recovers. Next!!
#1: My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
Can anything really be worse than Breaking the Waves? YES!! Another romantic comedy!! As I suffered through this I kept thinking, These 80s rom-coms are such drivel! Same old tropes over and over and....what?...this shit was made in 1997?!? Wow.
The premise of this is absolutely horrible. Julianne (Julia Roberts) finds out that her long-time friend (interchangeable male rom-com lead) is about to be married so she sets out to steal him for herself just days before the wedding.
It IS as bad as it sounds. There was NOBODY to root for in this! Felt kind of bad for the bride to be (Cameron Diaz) but there wasn't enough character development for her for me to care about her.
#10: Skyscraper (1960)
NO! NOT THIS Skyscraper!!
This Skyscraper from 1960. I've really learned to love short films since I began the "Oscar Project" a few years ago. As I may have mentioned before, I love short stories and novels, makes sense that I love shorts and feature length films.
This is a 20 minute documentary about the construction of a skyscraper in late 1950s Manhattan. From what I gather, the iconic building still stands.
Amazing to see the construction workers walking around on the beams thirty stories up like I walk around my living room. I love watching movies about what New York City was like before I first visited and got to see it for myself.
#9: No Time to Die (2021)
If you HAVEN'T seen this and want to see it, please scroll ahead to #8 because I'm about to go FULL SPOILER ALERT MODE!!!!
If you have seen No Time to Die, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I guess Daniel Craig really won't be returning as James Bond since they, you know, killed him.
I'm a huge fan of the series, Octopussy and all, and I had no problem with anything they did here. Nice exit. Bond exit.
Kudos for them not dragging it out. Kudos for not having the villain set up some odd contrivance and walk away. Bond always escapes those as we all know. I loved how they did it, and I love that he has a daughter. Great ending to the Daniel Craig Bond era, if you ask me.
#8: Swan Song (2021)
If you're like me and crave character development, do yourself a favor and see this. Audrey told me about it since she knows the writer/director, Todd Stephens. When she told me about it, she mentioned that it's kind of a love letter to Sandusky, Ohio where Stephens grew up and where this film is set. Udo Kier is amazing as Pat Pitsenbarger, a once flamboyant hairdresser living out his days in a rest home when he's called upon for one final job.
I realize I tend to be overly sensitive and I'm quick to tear up watching movies, but if this doesn't move you, you have no soul.
Touching, sweet, tender, sad, and extremely funny.
The last time I saw Udo Kier was...
...yikes!
#7: Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021)
If you've ever had a movie conversation with me you know I complain a lot about comic book movies and sequels. Way too many being produced using talent that would be put to better use elsewhere. That being said, I've seen all of the Star Wars movies, and I've seen everything the Marvel Universe has put out there to date.
I have a secret to enjoying these films...I don't pay attention to the story at all. Not a bit. I know it's going to be preposterous, I realize there are going to be way too many characters AND the "plot" will be muddier than the Mississippi with more holes in it than a big wheel of Finlandia. So I don't bother.
With all of that in mind, I loved this movie! Loved that they brought back all of the other Spider-Men! Loved that they all exist somehow in different versions of the world. Whatever!
My favorite part is when Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) tells Peter and MJ to, "Scooby-Doo this shit." Now that's quality writing.
#6: West Side Story (2021)
There are a handful of movies that I never thought I'd see remade. No reason to remake them, close to perfection the first time, etc. On this list would be The Manchurian Candidate, The Magnificent Seven, even The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three for that matter. And those were all remade, and two of those three did an excellent, even if unnecessary job. When I heard they were remaking West Side Story I had those same thoughts. Then I found out that Spielberg was directing, and I knew the original was in more than competent hands.
Spielberg isn't always automatic for me. There are more than a few of his movies that I didn't like at all. But he's also made some of the best movies I've ever seen. Nobody hits 1.000.
This was delightful and it was wonderful to see an updated version that honored the original in such a deferential manner. Rita Moreno is a National Treasure. I. Shit. You. Not.
#5: When We Were Bullies (2021)
Another short! This is a story that I think absolutely everyone can relate to on one level or another. Filmmaker Jay Rosenblatt looks back on a schoolyard incident that happened over 50 years ago and tries to reconstruct what actually took place. As a teacher I was always on the lookout for bullies, but I realize I probably missed 90% of it since bullies are sneaky assholes who are good at operating under the radar.
It was so interesting to hear what students who were there remembered about it. And it really was kind of a stupid thing that led these kids to bully this other student. Sad to think that "stupid things" could end up having such a negative impact on someone's life going forward. Fifth grade can be some nasty business.
#4: War and Peace (1965)
I don't know where to begin with this one. How about the fact that it's seven and a half hours long? The longest film I've ever seen. O.J: Made in America (2016) is 40 minutes longer, but that's a documentary series. This is a movie movie.
Was I enthralled with all 7:33 of this movie? Of course not! Did I watch it in one sitting? Hell no! It still makes this list due to the scope of the production and how that attention to detail made this a worthwhile film experience.
One of the things I discovered about this film is that there's a battle scene in it that took them TWO AND A HALF YEARS to film! It involved over 1,200 extras on a daily basis. And horses and cannons and guns. Absolutely amazing. I wonder if the 4:30 Movie in New York ever showed this. It would be cut up into a month!
#3: Class Action Park (2020)
One of the first things I did while watching this documentary was text people I grew up with. I asked if they remembered Action Park in New Jersey or the commercials. Most did and mentioned that the place looked insane. This was essentially a water park run by teenagers that pushed its visitors to the limits of safety and good judgement.
Zero oversight. No rules. Very little concern for safety. Well, it was the 80s...
If you needed to be rescued by one of the teenage lifeguards during your visit, they put a wristband on you and sent you on your merry way to enjoy the rest of the water park. On that wristband, they wrote "C.F.S." which stood for "Can't Fuckin' Swim." Amazing!
It does get grim in the second half when they start to get into the number of people that actually died there without much being done about it. The guy that owned the place was a notorious douchebag who only cared about money and not people. The wave pool was so large and could fit so many people that they had to stop it every 15 minutes or so to "look for bodies."
I plan on watching this again at some point. A great little peek into what the time was like and how nobody really cared a rat's ass for your safety.
#2: Dune (2021)
Andrew will be very happy to see this film on this list, and so high up at that! After disliking the book and HATING the 1984 version, I was reluctant to say the least. Then it got nominated for all the Oscars, so it gets on the list and I need to watch it. No problem with this one. Director Denis Villeneuve does a tremendous job bringing a seemingly un-filmable story to the big screen. It won six Academy Awards and I really only had a problem with one of those. (I thought The Power of the Dog deserved to win the cinematography award)
I don't think you need to read the book to enjoy it, and it's probably better if you haven't seen the 1984 version. This is grand scale storytelling done quite well.
#1: The Killers (1946)
It seems odd that a Top Ten heavily comprised of films made in 2020-2021 would be topped by a 40s movie, but here we are.
Based on a short story by Ernest Hemingway (read it for free online, I did!) The Killers is about contract killers and double crosses and deadly dames (no other way to put that).
I had seen the 1964 version with Lee Marvin (a favorite of mine) and Angie Dickinson (Police Woman) and loved it. Did you know that Lee Marvin is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. AND he's buried next to boxer Joe Louis?!? True facts! But I digress...
I was shocked to see that the movie was remade (that wasn't shocking) and that I hadn't seen it (that was shocking). This version stars Burt Lancaster (Sweet Smell of Success) in his first credited role along with Ava Gardner (Yes). It even features William Conrad (Cannon) as a heavy. No pun intended. He did it quite well.
If you're ever in the mood for some solid film noir, check this one out.
Coming Soon: A new series chronicling my "Top Ten Movie Experiences," along with "Cinematic Portmanteaus," and, of course, the Cinema Wellman Project continues with "Cinema Wellman: April Screenings."
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