Night of the Lepus

 Night of the Lepus

     Hi girls and boys! If you still believe in the Easter Bunny, find something else to read right now. I'd suggest maybe...Pat the Bunny. That would be more pleasing to you than what I'm about to explore today. I'll give you a moment to gather your things and leave. 

     Okay, now that they're gone, let me just run through some of the fictional entities we are led to believe are real when we are children which are, when you think about them, horrifying. 

#1 - Santa Claus: I'm not that crazy about some old man breaking into my house and eating cookies my mom made and drinking our milk. Also not crazy that he's doing this under the cover of darkness while we're all asleep. Creepy. But, you know what, if you're going to leave me all those presents...don't break in, I'll have a key made! And show up once a month, no worries!

#2 - The Tooth Fairy: The idea of some flying object buzzing around my (once again) SLEEPING HEAD! FULL BLOWN SLEEP HERE! is disturbing. It's reaching under your pillow. Do parents let this thing in? Do they let it into your room? I don't think so. That nanny cam better have night vision on it. The more disturbing part of this is they trade you money for something that fell out of your head. Think about that for a minute. 

     But, hands down, the most terrifying of all is the Easter Bunny. Come on now. Really. Bunnies are cute, but a normal bunny can't possibly carry all of that chocolate and candy and other nonsense in a basket (I won't even explore the whole opposable thumbs thing). Bunnies are little. They wouldn't be able to bring you anything. They're entirely useless as a delivery system. So, the bunny would have to be bigger. How much bigger? Maybe four or five feet tall? Six, maybe? Walking around on its hind legs? Carrying baskets filled with jellybeans? This is horrifying. A hulking rabbit with those big feet tromping around your house...they should make a movie about giant rabbits terrorizing people. 

     Oh wait, they did?

   

      Of course they did. They actually made TWO of them!!!! And this thing is a wild ride. I'm not saying it's good, but it's my vision of what the Easter Bunny has looked like since I was ten years old. Happy Easter.