Cinema Wellman: May Screenings
Total Films Screened in May: 82
Current 2022 Total: 352
Current All-Time Total: 7,469
The Bottom 5
#5: Graveyard Shift (1990)
I am a huge fan of Stephen King. I haven't read absolutely everything of his (unlike Andrew), but I think I've read 28 King books. When you think about the fact that over 84 of his stories have been made into movies, well....some of them are going to be terrible. This is one of those.
A textile mill has a serious rodent problem, the man who owns it is corrupt (of course), and there's something worse than rats in that deep basement (obviously).
Brad Dourif is always fun to watch, but not here. King himself hated this and said it was one of his least favorite adaptations of his work. I agree. The gigantic rat monster with wings at the end was downright comical.
#4: Somewhere in Time (1980)
Time travel? I'm in! A time travel story in which a man uses self-hypnosis to travel back in time and meet a woman whose portrait he saw in a hotel? Wait, what? That must have been some portrait! I mean, I'd travel back in time to hang out with Rita Hayworth in 1940. That hair flip in Gilda?!? Definitely traveling back in time for that! This movie, however, makes me wish I could travel back in time 1 hour and 43 minutes after I started it and choose something else.
#3: Evita (1996)
So this was junk and I hated it. Madonna may be a fine singer, but she cannot act. I love the movie posters that include lines from critics. You can't quite read all of these so I filled in the blanks a bit: "EXQUISITE....ly bad!" "DAMN. FINE. I'll get my own Milk Duds." "It's GORGEOUS. It's EPIC. It's SPECTACULAR....ly bad!" "DAZZLING in its ineptitude!" "TOTALLY STUNNING that someone green lit this!"
Oh, and Alan Parker directed it. Don't get me started.
#2: Enemies, A Love Story (1989)
I've never liked Ron Silver. He was mean to Jamie Lee Curtis in a movie once, so he's dead to me. So a movie about a character played by Ron Silver who is juggling three women didn't have a chance with me. His character is an asshole, and yet these women are attracted to him? Yeah, I know...
Anjelica Huston can't even save this, and I liked Lena Olin much more in Romeo is Bleeding. I should have re-watched that again.
#1: Starting Over (1979)
What a surprise! Another month where the worst movie I saw was a ROM COM!!!! IMDb tells us this; "A divorced man falls in love, but somehow he can't get over his ex-wife. This affects his love life in comic ways." That is NOT much of a hearty endorsement of anything!
This "earned" two Oscar nominations, both for Supporting Actress (Jill Clayburgh, Candice Bergen). Both are talented women who were better in everything else they did. And Burt Reynolds in a rom com that doesn't also include a black Trans-Am? No thank you.
I wish these rom coms didn't get so many Academy Award nominations. NONE of them stand the test of time, and an awful lot of them are demeaning to women.
The Top 10
#10: Murder at the Vanities (1934)
If you're a movie fan, you probably know about the "Hays Code." Will H. Hays was a Jesuit priest and Catholic publisher who tried to ruin movies for everyone back in the 30s. The code was first published in 1930, but not seriously enforced until 1934. It was self-imposed by the movie industry and it attempted to "clean" things up in movies. The code prohibited profanity, suggestive nudity, graphic or realistic violence and sexual persuasions. Murder at the Vanities must have been released before things got tightened up.
This is a fun murder mystery/musical that's filled with barely dressed showgirls (Kitty Carlisle!) and saucy songs. One of the featured songs is "Sweet Marijuana!"
Suck on that Will Hays!
#9: Hell Squad (1985)
Just so you know, there are a couple of "bad" movies that made the Top 10 this month. I will watch anything, and this is proof of that. Just because a movie is bad, doesn't mean you can't enjoy it for what it's worth.
This was so awful and yet so fun to watch. I'll let IMDb handle the synopsis; "In order to rescue the son of a diplomat who has been kidnapped by terrorists, a group of Las Vegas showgirls undergo commando training and organize a rescue operation."
Yes....you read that correctly. After watching this I couldn't decide which group should be more offended by what I saw: people of Arab descent, or Las Vegas showgirls.
For a film that has no sex scenes, really no relationships at all to speak of, it is chock full of gratuitous nudity. Hey, what better way to show the ladies getting to know one another during basic training than a nude hot tub scene? How about THREE of those scenes! Will Hays would have had an aneurysm watching this.
The capper was a sequence that featured the boom mic so prominently in the shot that it should have gotten a credit. I mean, they weren't even trying!
And yet, it was better than Starting Over.
#8: She Freak (1967)
I warned you about this month, didn't I? She Freak will never be mistaken for Casablanca. With a whopping 3.5 star (out of 10) rating on IMDb, this is not cinematic royalty. It is, however, a story about a freak show at a carnival, so....to paraphrase Renee Zellweger in Jerry Maguire, "You had me at freak show."
The entire film was shot in 10 days. That tells you just about all you need to know. The reveal at the end is pretty sweet even if you see it coming from a mile away. It's a nod to Todd Browning's 1932 classic Freaks, which is a favorite of mine, so that was alright with me.
This was terrible and I enjoyed all 83 minutes of it.
#7: The Lie (2018)
I never claim that any of the films that show up in my monthly Top 10s are perfect. It all comes down to whether or not I enjoy them. I don't write movie reviews, I don't write film criticism, I'm not here to debate you Jerry...
This is an Amazon Original Movie, which I guess is the 21st century version of the "TV Movie" that I grew up with. Amazon, Netflix, HBO, Peacock, you name it, they're making their own films now. And, like the TV movies I grew up with, some of these are pretty good.
I don't want to spoil anything, but I do want people to watch this so I can talk about it with them! It's about a lie. That's evident. And we should never lie. You know that, don't you?
#6: Stakeout (1958)
No. Not Richard Dreyfuss and Emilio Estevez cop comedy from 1987. This Stakeout is a Japanese thriller from director Yoshitaro Nomura. I'm a big fan of Japanese cinema (118 films to date) and I love how they excel at the seemingly "American genre" of film noir. The plot, "Two cops on stakeout wait for a murderer," is the only thing simple about this movie.
The cops (one young, the other seasoned) are interesting to watch as they employ old and new techniques and learn from each other during a drawn out stakeout.
Director Nomura does an exceptional job portraying a sweltering Tokyo summer and his shot length enhances the tedium of a stakeout without making the film boring in any way.
#5: The Lost City (2022)
Not a big fan of Channing Tatum, but my absolute love of Sandra Bullock more than makes up for it here. She is so damn adorable! I love her so much! But I digress...
If you're not in the mood for silly, no-brain escapism, avoid this. That's what this is. Brain candy, so to speak. The supporting cast includes Daniel Radcliffe chewing the scenery as an eccentric billionaire and Da'Vine Joy Randolph as Sandy B's sassy assistant.
Totally predictable, but still fun to watch and charming at times because of Sandy. It even got a couple of audible laughs from me, which are hard to come by.
If you have 112 minutes to kill, you'll enjoy this.
#4: Yellowface: Asian Whitewashing and Racism in Hollywood (2019)
I predicted this last month. I had already watched it when I posted April's Screenings and I mentioned that it may make May's Top 10. I was right.
The focus of this documentary is right there in the title. Most people are familiar with the history of blackface in American cinema, but yellowface may be off their radar.
This film concentrates on two aspects of yellowface; non Asian actors portraying Asian characters, and the history of anti-Asian racism in Hollywood, especially during/after WWII. They do a wonderful, thorough job with both topics.
Marlon Brando, Katharine Hepburn, John Wayne, Rex Harrison, Agnes Moorehead, Fred Astaire, Tony Randall, and Emma Stone have all portrayed Asian characters. Many times with offensive prosthetics and makeup.
Oh...and Mickey Rooney. Yeah. That happened. This film shows it all and explains why it's so offensive and wrong. I guess that would need to be explained to some people.
#3: Nails (1979)
This is a 13 minute long documentary about the manufacturing of nails and it's amazing, mesmerizing, trippy, soothing...it's so many things.
One of my 15 free, without any ads movies from kanopy! I told you about kanopy, yes?! Look it up! And sign up! Now! All you'll need is a library card! Do it!
#2: Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes (2020)
For once, a poster that speaks the truth! Read that comment. "A masterpiece of film-making packed with joy." Bingo!
The "Droste Effect" is the effect of a picture recursively appearing within itself, in a place where a similar picture would realistically be expected to appear. Like this:
So in this movie, they have a Droste Effect television that allows them to see two minutes into the future. Then they multiply that. It is a mind-bending sci/fi comedy that has to be seen. I really can't explain what they pull off here. See for yourself on Amazon Prime Video. It's only 70 minutes long, and it's worth every second.
#1: Slacker (1990)
Look at this! Two months in a row that my #1 was directed by Richard Linklater! Good job, Richard!
This film is so unique because we follow the camera from scene to scene and character to character. We spend a scene getting to know some characters and then we're whisked away as the camera then follows someone else. As I was watching it, I was reminded of Kevin Smith's classic Clerks. Turns out that Smith saw Slacker and was inspired to make Clerks. One point for me!
Because of this style, the shots are extremely long and cuts are few and far between. The opening scene features the director himself as "Should Have Stayed at Bus Station," a man in a cab with a very lengthy monologue that was supposedly done in one take. I'll make a deal with you...watch that first scene. If you aren't captivated by everything about it and want to continue watching, you get your money back. This was another "Texas Treat" from Richard Linklater.
The podcast is closer than ever! Details to follow along with, of course, the Cinema Wellman Project's June Screenings.
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